“It is never the child’s fault.”
This statement, says Nandi Shah, prime mover behind Ashraya, is something she stresses on wherever she goes. “It’s never the child’s fault.”
Spreading awareness on Child Sexual Abuse and sensitising the community on helping “to create a safe environment towards a secure childhood” is what the organisation hopes to do.
Awareness
It’s a small gathering at a city school in South Chennai. The audience or parents and teachers are watching in rapt silence as theatre activist Pritam Chakravarthy enacts a little skit that shows us a little girl in an abusive situation. The plight of the little girl, caught between an uncle(the abuser) and a mother in denial, is poignant and heart-rending. No one speaks as Pritam vocalises the bewilderment of the child in the situation… The tension is palpable as the audience, all parents, understands the implications of the skit that has been put together with Nandi and Pritam, with help from counselors and others.
Later, the gathering discusses the implications of the issue of child abuse, how to communicate safety to their children, and how to be responsive when dealing with the issue. Nandi and Pritam ask questions, answer them and describe how parents and teachers can be proactive in ensure the safety of the child, both male and female.
“We have covered about 40-50 workshops till date,” Nandi tells us, “I started off at home with people we know. In the beginning we received a lot of feedback, a lot of flak… But the experience was positive. I think I learnt a lot on the way.”
The Beginning
Nandi’s brush with the issue of child abuse came in her teaching days. Having trained at the Madras Dyslexic Association, she was a remedial teacher at schools she was posted at for 4-5 years. “I came across a couple of cases where there was sexual abuse,” she tells us, “But of course, I could not do much about it then and one cannot make judgements and statements without doing the requisite homework.”
This need to equip herself too Nandi to the Christian Counselling Centre in Vellore for a one month full time in-house counselling programme. A few more counselling courses in Chennai, and Nandi was ready to start Ashraya, with an advisory committee of 6-8 members comprising lawyers, doctors, physiotherapists and counselors. The organisation which was set up three years ago, does regular workshops with the Police Training College, sensitising inspectors and sub-inspectors who come from the various districts of Tamil Nadu, to the issue of child abuse.
Responses
“The issue of child abuse gets a mixed response,” feels Nandi, “People do not want to address the issue and it is often pushed under the carpet.” Somewhere along the way, she feels, is also the issue of sex education. “Unless you address that,” says she, “How can you address child abuse?”
Taking the issue to schools and factories and any social or working space, is part of the Ashraya agenda and the workshops come free. Language is not a barrier as the organisation is open to communication in both English and Tamil. “Some of the best feedback and participation have been at factories,” Nandi tells us, “We have got honest responses and have discussed the issue very openly.”
The workshop is ongoing at several schools where addressing the parent/teacher/caregiver is priority, before moving on to talk to the children themselves. “Initially, there were schools who told us that they were not ready for this,” says Nandi, who adds, “People are open to listening. They are open to bringing about change. We have just touched the tip of the iceberg but we have set the ball rolling. I don’t expect to see change within the next two years… It’s a process that’s going to happen over a period of time.”
The Issue
“When people come for counseling,” Nandi tells us, “Mostly they want it hushed up. Sometimes they do want to turn to the law, understand the pros and the cons.” Child abuse, she informs us, cuts across social strata, across gender. “Boys are as vulnerable as girls,” she comments.
Dealing with the victim is possibly the most difficult and counseling, says Nandi, is very important. “You have to be there for the child as a parent. Counselling helps trememdously, and somewhere, the victim has to pick up and move on…”
“It’s never the child’s fault.”
“The caregiver needs to have faith, belief and trust in the child,” says Nandi, “Belief and trust are two words we emphasise again and again, we use this statement everywhere.” Parents, she feels, should be open about communicating with their children, and not shy away from subjects like sex education.
“Telling the child to say `no’ begins at home,” is what she asserts, “We teach the child the difference between disobedience and assertiveness – and then he/she learns to say `no’ outside the home.”
Ashraya is at C/9 Gemini Parsn Apts in Gemini Circle and can be reached on 28270715 or ashraya4u@hotmail.com.
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